10-20-25 12:04 PM
Read this post on my main website.
Back to art class today.
I keep saying "class" or "school" even though it's technically neither. I'm in practicum, which just means I'm paying for access to facilities/faculty without any actual curriculum. So I don't have any deadlines or grades to worry about.
Still, old habits die hard. I used to put a lot of pressure on myself when I was here 5 years ago getting my associate's. It's hard to not default back to that mentality.
For example, last week was a short "fall break" (we didn't have that back when I first went here lol). The week before that, I was sick and had to miss class. So it's been two weeks--and I haven't worked on my project at all.
I've been busy working and dealing with personal life stuff and trying to make more time for myself to relax. But I still feel like I've "failed" somehow with my art, even though I was doing other stuff that was important.
I'm also still kinda scared of my professor lowkey lol. Not in a bad way--she's one of the nicest people I've ever met, and we're super close. But she can be really intense lol. She remarked that I should make 20 of the drawing/collages I'm doing. And then she said that I should have a show at the end of the semester!
20 pieces??? A show??? She also wants to put my work out and see if I can sell it in any local galleries. Ahh!!!
It's just a lot to digest after going practically cold turkey with art for 5 years lol.
It's a tough balance to strike--actively making art, but not letting it take up space for other things you've allotted in your personal time, or being inflexible when other things pop up.
As with everything, I'm an addict. My whole life it's felt as if I either need to do NOTHING BUT MAKE ART or DO ANYTHING BUT. Day to day, this manifests as a lot of creative oscillations--artist's mood swings, if you will. Lol.
✘ Originally posted on — 10-20-25
✘ Main site location — xavierhm.com/notebook