How I learned to stop worrying and love my curly hair (plus a flaxseed hair gel recipe)

02/06/25

I have very thick, curly hair that is prone to dandruff and frizz. Two weeks ago I went in for a haircut; I chopped it all off after having grown it out for five years.¹

I absolutely hated my hair as a kid. In middle school I even put relaxer into it to make it straight. In junior high² I'd get up early every day to flat iron it. My bangs and sides would look alright, but I could never manage to get the back of my head right, so my hair would just abruptly erupt into a rat's nest of curls behind my ears. In any case, everything else would be a greasy, frizzy mess by the end of the day.

Any attempt at taming my curls was a losing battle. In high school I just went with a shaggy cut that grew past my ears and brow bone. It always ended up looking oddly triangular; I went blonde² the summer before my sophomore year and my little sister repeatedly told me I looked like Arnold from Hey, Arnold! She also told me I looked like Steve Buscemi's character in Big Daddy during my burnout stoner phase, which was an admittedly accurate assessment.³

Needless to say I was sick of wrangling my hair by the time I hit my twenties. After Covid restrictions eased I declined to get a haircut out of lazy procrastination. Somewhere along the way I just decided to grow it out again, something I hadn't done since sixth grade when I started wearing it short.⁴

A couple years into growing my hair out I finally sat down and learned how to properly manage and style curls. After a lot of trial and error, I found a system and handful of products that worked for me.

1. I only washed my hair once a week; sometimes twice a week during the summer.
2. I only combed it in the shower with a wide tooth comb. I never brushed or combed my hair any other time.
3. I used an argan oil based shampoo and Shea Moisture Deep Conditioning hair mask, both of which I bought at Walmart.
4. After washing my hair I would scrunch in a generous amount of Aussie Instant Freeze gel to create a gel cast. This helps define curls and retains their structure.
5. After applying gel I'd wait until it was fully dry and crusty then braid my hair.
6. I would then unbraid my hair after waking up the next morning and sort of fluff my hair out to break up the gel cast.
7. I would also braid my hair every night to reduce tangles, frizz, breakage, etc. Sometimes I'd be lazy though and skip braids; I'd always pay for it later trying to comb my hair in the shower.

I stuck with this procedure until I experimented with Ethique hair products. I intend to make a post about that specifically soon. (Spoiler alert: I highly recommend them!)

Here are two pictures from when my hair was at its longest, which I nabbed off my digicam's SD card:

I spent a good two or three years taking care of my hair. I enjoyed the process. It felt like a form of self care. I also really enjoyed having long hair. It felt nice and looked nice. It suited me. It was versatile.

But all good things come to an end. The honeymoon phase with my long hair finally ended sometime last year. I was just so burnt out taking care of it. Every so often I floated the idea of cutting it to my wife, who was immensely supportive. She found a stylist near me that specializes in curly hair (all the way in England, mind you). I booked an appointment. Three weeks later, I went in and got the big chop.

RIP.

I had never had a haircut experience like that before. My stylist was super nice and knowledgeable. She has curly hair herself and answered a lot of questions I've had about my hair since I was a kid. Finding someone who knows how curly hair works and can adapt to its weird nuances really made all the difference. If anyone is in the Central Illinois area looking for a curly hair stylist, feel free to email me haha.

Once the shock wore off, I felt AMAZING. The first shower after my haircut was phenomenal—it only took eight minutes total, and that included washing my hair!

Since my haircut I've had a renewed sense of confidence. I feel very handsome and masculine. It's also great just being able to get up and go and not worry about what state my hair is in.

That being said, I still want to do a little styling. Without the weight of long hair, my hair's been a little unruly. It also lacked the same body, volume, and shine I was used to before.

I decided to be more experimental with my products. I couldn't justify spending a lot of money for such a small amount of hair. Also, I cut my hair for the sole purpose of not having to fuck around with it.

I wanted something:

1. Cheap
2. Easy
3. Lightweight

I found that in DIY flaxseed hair gel.

I've been on something of a DIY kick lately. It started with making my own bread. Now hair gel is my latest project.

I learned about flaxseed hair gel a long time ago but never got around to making it. Most of my research was conducted on reddit (don't recommend) but I consulted this YouTube video when it came time to actually make some. After a few failed attempts, I finally got it down. I'm really happy with the results.

All you need is:

• 1/4 cup flaxseeds (the ratio of flaxseeds to water is 1:4)
• 1 cup water
• fine mesh sieve

Here are some progress pictures showing my supplies:

Here's the final gel in a repurposed tomate sauce⁵ jar:

I wasn't expecting any miracles, but I was actually pretty impressed with how it looked in my hair!

Here's my hair pre-wash (I took this picture after coming home from work):

It looks alright, but it's sort of sad and limpy. I've also been struggling with dandruff and frizz, as well as a lack of body or volume—that sort of extra "oomph" factor quintessential to curly hair.

Here's my hair after I washed it, scrunched in the gel, and let it fully dry:

I think my curls look a lot happier! There's more definition and shine to them. The overall shape of my hair is more cohesive too.

My hair journey has been long and storied. I remember crying about my hair when I was younger and being so frustrated that I could never get it to look right. I'm glad to be in a place now where I can appreciate my hair for what it is and take care of it properly.

✘ Posted on — 02/06/25
✘ Last modified — 6 months, 1 week ago
✘ Link — https://blog.xavierhm.com/how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-my-curly-hair-plus-a-flaxseed-hair-gel-recipe

Footnotes

#DIY #blog #gpoy #home #low waste