Social Media/Dopamine Detox: Day Three
1. Introduction
Today was Day Three of my social media detox. I feel like I don't have much to say tonight unlike the previous two days, but I figured I might as well write up a post anyway for consistency's sake.
2. Third day is not the charm
I felt pretty moody today. If day one was my determined go-get-em day, and day two was my painful adjustment day, then today was the slump that follows after the novelty of taking on a :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ new thing ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: wears off. It's like deciding to take up a new skill, read a book, or exercise. The first day you're all pumped up; the second day you're a little winded but wrestle through it; by the third day you aren't really suffering as much, but you aren't super jazzed either. Eventually, you finally realize that it's just going to be more of this (whatever that is) day after day—and have to decide whether you'll stay committed or bail.
I'm reminded me of this clip from Bojack Horseman:1
3. Nothing is better than something
I told one of my coworkers about my break and she asked me how I was doing tonight. I told her that I was doing alright, just a bit moody, and we talked things out. It helped me gather my thoughts on all of it, which I will now share with you.
I learned today that I use social media for emotional regulation. If I'm feeling annoyed, angry, sad, whatever, I'll grab my phone and numb myself with endless scrolling and bullshit. It'll either make me feel better—with the caveat being that my positive mood isn't based on anything substantial, but rather artificial jolts of dopamine zapped into my brain—or make me feel nothing. And nothing is better than something when that something is uncomfortable or unpleasant.
4. Cigarettes
Without access to an on-demand algorithmic lobotomy, I was forced to just keep feeling whatever I felt—and I felt like crap.
We all have crappy days. But I can't remember the last time I had a crappy day and didn't try self-medicating with social media.
I told my coworker tonight that part of this experiment reminded me of quitting cigarettes. Like any other addiction, I was using social media as a crutch. Removing that crutch has forced me to feel a lot of painful things I wouldn't have to otherwise.
Here's another funny parallel with cigarettes:
The first time I quit cigs I just switched to vaping. This was around 2017 or 2018, way before disposable vapes were as huge as they are now. Back then all you had were Juuls and they were fucking nasty. Everyone I knew had their own mod2 with the chunky glass tanks and cotton coils.3 I was 18-19 years old and I could still buy vape products; hell, I even used to order my juice online (shoutout to https://ejuice.deals).
Anyway, my recent concessions with my social media usage look a lot like ditching cigarettes for vaping. Most of my social media usage was through Reddit. I was addicted. The 2024 election cycle did a number on my mental health. Partially just, well, because gestures broadly, but also due to the fact that I'd hop between subreddits and join in on collective panic attacks or read a thousand different people simultaneously doom over the future of our country. Thankfully though Trump won—okay, I can't even make that joke without wanting to kill myself, nevermind.
The point is that I was a .·:¨༺ le Redditor ༻¨:·. and it wasn't fucking good. I had finally had enough and decided to explore alternative social media sites.
I ended up hopping on Mastodon and I liked it a lot. I still like it a lot, and I think more people should join. But it's still social media, just like vaping is just fancy, fruity, gamer RGB rigs that flood our bodies with the same old nicotine.
After awhile I realized I was using Mastodon the same way I used Reddit. Given the decentralized nature of Mastodon's infrastructure, I think it's a way better platform. But social media is social media, and it all follows roughly the same format.
5. I give up
Yeah, I give up. I'm pretty tired. I feel like I had something else to say; maybe I'll remember it for tomorrow.
Sorry for the lackluster post. Just not really feeling it tonight. And now I really want a cigarette, too.
✘ Posted on — 01/07/25
✘ Last modified — 6 months, 4 weeks ago
✘ Link — https://blog.xavierhm.com/social-mediadopamine-detox-day-three
Footnotes
One of my favorite TV shows ever; I bawled at the finale and haven't watched it since, but I've considered doing a fresh rewatch for ages.↩
One of my old friends was "only in it for the clouds" and exclusively vaped zero nic juice↩
The amount of times I raw-dogged it vaping off old, burnt coils would astound you. Was it disgusting? Yes. Did I care? No. Anything to get that nic, baby.↩